Columnist Takes Sexist Swipe at Poor Old Dad

Pull the knife out of your back, dads. In an attempt to stem the feuding among moms, Los Angeles Times columnist and Law Professor Rosa Brooks shifts all the blame on men.

When it comes to the so-called Mommy Wars, Rosa makes a perfectly good point: that the catfight between working and nonworking mothers is really a creation of the media. Whether a mom works to pay the bills or stay at home to care for the kids, it’s tough going these days. I totally agree.

So in Rosa’s world, someone else must be to blame. Ah yes, let’s take the quick swipe at men. Below, she’s referring to moms when their careers run into the American male:

Their bosses scowl when they ask for more child-friendly work arrangements. Their male colleagues have wives who handle snow days, birthday parties and children who throw up at 3 a.m. But with rare exceptions, their husbands are bewildered or resistant when asked to take on more of the child-care duties. In the end, exhaustion and frustration force most into choosing between family and career.

What a bunch of sexist crap. Men are “bewildered or resistant,” when asked to take on more? Maybe in your elevated circles, Rosa, but not in all circles of American life.

My male friends work full-time jobs, come home to do the laundry, play with their kids and fix the broken sink. Many have reported lack of sleep as they cleaned up their children’s midnight vomit. And I know men who stay at home to raise the children while their wives work hard for the money.

I’ve worked in departments where the men have to work the dreaded night shift every six weeks while women are allowed out of the rotation because they have children. What, my kids are somehow less important?

Are there bad men, Rosa? Why yes, there are a lot of them. Are there bad women, Rosa? Why yes, there are a lot of them.

So please, get off your high horse about all men being rats and treat us with just a tiny bit of respect. Hard-working dads deserve at least that much consideration.

Comments

[Pat]

Preach, Brother Brett.

Someone's gotta stick up for us, the "bewildered and resistant."

[Anne]

Not to mention that the big bad boss isn't necessarily a man. Doh.

[brettdl]

Pat: I surprised she didn't say "bewildered and incompetent."

Anne: Yeah, I was afraid to say that.

[Mark]

I don't know if you keep up with Rebel Dad's blog (I see it on your blogroll so I assume so) but he talks about this stuff all the time too. The biggest offender seems to be Leslie Morgan Steiner, who just wrote a new mommy wars book and has a daily blog on the Washington Post's site. She manages to take 2-3 swipes at men in general and/or her husband in particular every week, and she does the same in every single interview I've heard or read with her. Pa. Thet. Ic.

[brettdl]

I have a confession to make. I can't keep up with all the blogs and news. I squeeze in what I can. So no, I haven't read Rebel Dad much recently.

I'll have to look at this Leslie Morgan Steiner, though.

[Mark]

I can't quite keep up with all of them either -- I've got about half a dozen blogs that I read daily, and then the rest I get around to when I get a chance. One of the main themes of his site though is watchdogging all the media man-bashing that seems to be so prevalent.

[brettdl]

It does get out of hand, that's for sure. I just write about it when it slaps me in the face like Rosa's article here.

[Mark Sicignano]

I've been the Dad that, for the past few years, has been putting the kids on the bus, getting them off the bus, making the dinners, etc. Prior to that, and we alternated days off when the kids were sick. Prior to that, I had a job with a one hour commute, so my wife would do most of the duty. Prior to that, we probably shared 50/50.

I have friends who are Dads that bare much of the burden and have lazy wives who don't know how to cook and don't do much of the cleaning. Some of those wives are focused more on their careers. I have one friend who's wife isn't lazy, but she works like a dog and makes good money. He has decided to become a stay at home dad to let his wife pursue her success.

I don't have any friends who are bumbling, incompetent Dad's. Yes, they exist, and I've seen them, but they are not the majority of what I've seen.

I have met Mom's who would probably love to see Rosa's article. They have competent, helpful husbands, but because these Mom's have to work, I think some of them carry some amount of guilt that they're not staying at home. I've seen them being critical of how they're husbands don't do things as well as them. I think that's their insecurity talking.

I've also met the Mom's who don't work (outside the home), and they organize into gaggles at social events and go on about how they "would never let a daycare *raise* their children", and how being a Mom is "soooooo much work" and how they're always "sooooo tired".

Look... I know that it is a full time job, but they would do this in an earshot of those parents who are both working full time jobs and then some, and still have to come home and take care of the kids, the house, the laundry. It does make you want to slap them sometimes.

There is a lot of ridiculousness all the way around when it comes to parenting and perceptions.

Rosa Brooks certainly isn't helping the situation.

[brettdl]

Parenting is tough for both sexes. It's silly when someone like Rosa Brooks attacks men based on broad generalizations saying one sex is worthless and the other isn't.

[Claire]

Great response! Parenting is equally tough for both sexes - I think the media is just to keen to pigeonhole and label people...

[brettdl]

Thanks and yes.

[Jessica]

I came across a study a few years ago (I was a soc. major) that said that though men (generally speaking) are doing more than their fathers did, and thus feel like they're contributing a lot, they still aren't really taking an equal share of the child care. Of course, it doesn't mean all men. But I'm just saying!

[brettdl]

It's a good point Jessica, though I've always wondered if those studies take into account how many hours many men have to work to make a decent living?

If a dad is working a straight 40 and not helping much, then he certainly should be helping around the house. But if that dad is working 60 hours a week plus a second job....

I've known quite a few dads who put in 80-hour weeks not because of the stupendous pay, but because that's what the job required of them.