DadTalk

My Kids Are a Sorry Bunch

Presents evolve as your kids age. For us, 7 seemed to be the magic birthday where Seth was more than ready for board games.

Seth was already into Battleship, Backgammon and Monopoly, but we were decidedly lacking other traditional games at home. So one of Seth’s birthday presents was Sorry!

While we knew Seth would love the game, we were surprised at how much Lael got into it. She’d set up the board, calling out, “Daddy! Seth! I’m ready to play Sorry!” Oh, and she decided which colors we’d each get.

Keep in mind, Lael is not quite 4 and doesn’t fully understand the game. Lael can actually count to 20, but there is some funky wrist motion going on when she moves her piece: a 3 card might result in 15 spaces and a 12 card might result in 2 spaces.

Of course, the real reason Lael loves the game is to force us to spend more time with her. Smart girl.

Dad Talks on Iowa Public Radio

I’ve never been on the radio before, but when I got the email from Iowa Public Radio to be a guest, I jumped at the chance.

I’m not entirely sure why the news producer thought I’m one of the funny dad bloggers – I tend to be a bit sober as far as writers go – but I recently had done a post about my daughter cutting her own hair. Certainly, I’m not as funny as massively popular Danny Evans of Dad Gone Mad, who was the other guest.

I’m glad the audience couldn’t see me while I was on air. I couldn’t stop smiling! Is that a normal reaction to being on radio?

At one point I was incoherent, and at another I was dropped from the show, but neither incident put a damper on my mood.

If you want to listen, go here. Danny and I are on during the last half hour of the show.

Evil Snigger*

As I'm driving Lael to preschool, I hear an evil snigger. I look back to see my little girl about to toss the book jacket for the book, If You Give a Cat a Cupcake, out the window.

I snatched it from Lael's hand and very forcefully explained to her to never, ever throw things out the car window.

The next words out of her mouth? "Is mommy picking me up from school?"

*UPDATE: My wife informs me that the rest of the book is no where to be found.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

Overheard Knot Very Easy

Poor Lael. Lately our daughter has been telling us she wants to be a boy. Why? Because she wants short, knot-free hair.

As you can see, though, Lael has gorgeous hair. The type of hair that makes even the most icy, well-coiffed woman stop and say, “Wow, what great hair.”

Or, “When I was young, I had hair like that.”

Or, “Where do all those curls come from?”

Heck, if I had Lael when I was single, I would have dates every other day. Oh wait, that’s putting the cart before the horse.

Surprisingly, I’m very good at getting the knots out of Lael’s hair, probably because my own hair was so curly when I used to let it grow. (I’d provide you with a picture, but I need a new scanner.)

The trick for me is California Baby Calming Hair Conditioner. No, I’m not being paid by the manufacturer. At my wife’s instruction, I spray Lael’s hair soaking wet, apply the conditioner and then comb out the knots. (Picture is right after I finished.)

I must knot be that bad at it, because Lael only says “Ow” once or twice each morning.

Overheard Gods of War vs. Teletubbies

“I want to watch the Teletummies.”

That’s what Lael calls the Teletubbies. You see, Lael missed out on tubby-land because our VCR died when we were in Chicago.

Rather than buy a new one, I told the kids wait until we get our stuff from California where we have another VCR. (Why buy a new one when the format is practically extinct?)

What really surprised me, after setting up the VCR here in Arizona, is how much Seth missed the Tubbies. After all, we only had three tapes to begin with, and one was chewed up by the old VCR.

But when I put the Tubbies back on, my 6-year-old was so happy it was like watching him revert to a 2-year-old. He happily bounced on our new couch with something resembling rapture.

So why is it, that Seth, who thinks Curious George is too scary to watch a second time, wants to play uber-violent Gods of War, in which I was finally victorious last week?

Anything Can Be a Toy

I wasn’t paying much attention, but my kids were running from room to room yelling and laughing:

“Let’s go to the cat forest.”

“Now let’s go to the bear forest.”

“The bears stole all the cat food!”

From my new office, I overlook a large loft/landing from where I can see the other three bedrooms. As Lael and Seth run by, I realize they have foam cushions used to pack computers on their backs.

Apparently, after my mom fed them a steady diet of Dora the Explorer, Lael came up with the idea of using the foam thingees as backpacks. Lael calls the game “hike.”

As the headline says, “Anything can be a toy.”

Overheard

“I want a castle party.”

I was kind of shocked to hear Lael say that in response to mom and Seth planning his upcoming train-themed birthday party. I’m not really sure where Lael got the idea of a castle party.

Overheard

“Daddy, I want to go under the Jell-O Bean.”

That’s what Lael calls the Cloud Gate, which is part of Millennium Park in Chicago. She’s confusing Jell-O with Jelly Bean.

Overheard

“I want pee bar.”

That’s the way Lael says peanut butter.

A New Swear Word Blooms

Siblings are experts at torturing each other. Seth for example, likes to mutter an unending stream of rhymes.

“Mutter, putter, dutter, futter, jutter,” he says.

I’m not sure Seth voices that exact combination, but something similar.

Eventually, he hits on key words that irritate the heck out of Lael. “Cocka.” “Poopoo.”

We think Seth learned some of the potty words at school. Others are completely made up. But once Seth hits on a sound that makes Lael whine, he tortures his sister by saying it ad nauseam.

Lael then comes running to mom or dad, proclaiming, “Seth is using potty words” or “Seth uses THAT word.”

Several times, THAT word sounds as upsetting as “oona.” I guess it is more tone of voice than anything else.

At some point, my wife Anne came up with an ingenious solution. “Seth, call Lael flower.”

Seth took to the idea pretty quickly and it seemed to work, especially after we showed Lael pretty spring flowers.

But alas, tone of voice seems to be turning flower power into swear smears. “Flower, flower, FLOWER,” Seth calmly says.

“Stop saying THAT word,” Lael shrieks.

In the last three or four days, though, Seth has gone back to nonsense words and potty talk, enraging Lael. I fear her shrieks might crack glass.

But little Lael is learning to defend herself. She often screams back:

“Flower, flower, FLOWER!”