DadTalk

Overheard

“I want a castle party.”

I was kind of shocked to hear Lael say that in response to mom and Seth planning his upcoming train-themed birthday party. I’m not really sure where Lael got the idea of a castle party.

Overheard

“Daddy, I want to go under the Jell-O Bean.”

That’s what Lael calls the Cloud Gate, which is part of Millennium Park in Chicago. She’s confusing Jell-O with Jelly Bean.

Overheard

“I want pee bar.”

That’s the way Lael says peanut butter.

A New Swear Word Blooms

Siblings are experts at torturing each other. Seth for example, likes to mutter an unending stream of rhymes.

“Mutter, putter, dutter, futter, jutter,” he says.

I’m not sure Seth voices that exact combination, but something similar.

Eventually, he hits on key words that irritate the heck out of Lael. “Cocka.” “Poopoo.”

We think Seth learned some of the potty words at school. Others are completely made up. But once Seth hits on a sound that makes Lael whine, he tortures his sister by saying it ad nauseam.

Lael then comes running to mom or dad, proclaiming, “Seth is using potty words” or “Seth uses THAT word.”

Several times, THAT word sounds as upsetting as “oona.” I guess it is more tone of voice than anything else.

At some point, my wife Anne came up with an ingenious solution. “Seth, call Lael flower.”

Seth took to the idea pretty quickly and it seemed to work, especially after we showed Lael pretty spring flowers.

But alas, tone of voice seems to be turning flower power into swear smears. “Flower, flower, FLOWER,” Seth calmly says.

“Stop saying THAT word,” Lael shrieks.

In the last three or four days, though, Seth has gone back to nonsense words and potty talk, enraging Lael. I fear her shrieks might crack glass.

But little Lael is learning to defend herself. She often screams back:

“Flower, flower, FLOWER!”

Overheard

“You say oink, oink, and I say meh, meh.”

– Two-year-old Lael ordering 5-year-old Seth around during dinner. Then each would make the required sounds.

Overheard

“I want my ‘sleeping blanket,’ I want my ‘sleeping blanket.’ ”

As I mentioned in an earlier post, my kids are sleeping together in a tent in Seth’s bedroom this week. Seth has his own sleeping bag, but Lael is using mine, which she calls a ‘sleeping blanket.’

Overheard

Subject: Did you know...

Body: ... that Lael can break Legos with her teeth? I’v never seen anyone do that.

She is very scary.

xoxo

E-mail from my wife while I was in Seattle.

Overheard

“Dad, that looks a mushroom that’s on fire.” – Seth looking at the cover of my Scientific American

“It is. It’s a, um, from an atomic explosion.”

“What’s that?”

“A really bad thing.”

I then launch into a limited explanation of what a nuclear bomb is.

Overheard

Time: 5 a.m.

Setting: I’m at my computer working on a post. Lael walks over to me holding the purple Care Bear she received for Hanukkah.

Lael: Guloo

Me: What?

Lael: Gulo!

This goes on for another 5 tries before it finally hits me:

Me: “You want your Care Bear to glo?”

Lael: “Yes.”

I take Lael’s Care Bear into the bathroom and hold it up to the bright lights. Lael happily toddles back to bed with her glowing purple Care Bear.

Overheard

My wife, Anne, sent me this e-mail:

Subject: How reverse psychology works

Anne: You hungry? You want an apple?

Lael: No! Want cheese crackers.

Anne: No cheese crackers. Apple.

Lael: No apple! Cheese crackers.

Anne: Okay, no apple. I’m putting it away. No apple for Lael. (Hide apple behind back).

Lael: Apple! Apple!

Anne: You sure?

Lael: My eat it.

She ate half the apple, of course