op quiz time!
The most effective way to drop a baby without killing her is:
a. dangle her Michael-Jackson-style off your balcony;
b. swing her by the ankles and "accidentally" let go;
c. fall asleep standing up while rocking her;
d. launch her from a prone position on the bed while lunging to catch a vintage lamp.
Correct answer: D! Bonus points if it takes your husband's sleep-deprived brain a split second to transition from admiring his quick reflexes to panicky realization he's probably killed her! Ohmigod!
The lamp is perched precariously on a bedside stand. It was late and the baby wasn't sleeping. She did a few push-ups on her Daddy's tummy. He reached for a digital clock that caught her eye.
The two electrical cords are intertwined and the lamp took a dive. So did the hubby. So did the baby.
Milkula is okay. She landed face down on the carpet and took an extremely long second or so to start screaming, indicating she'd not lost consciousness. She has a bruise on her cheek and a reddish spot on her temple, plus a few rug burns on her tummy. Nothing to fret the folks at Child Protective Services.
Five minutes later, she was hugging her Daddy and squealing. All was forgiven. Daddy, on the other hand, still has the look of a condemned man.
Me, I'm biting my tongue. Hard.