I got my Mother's Day gift last night. We have the hit-and-run UPS guy who rings the doorbell and flees like he's left smoldering dog doo on your doorstep instead of a present. He tears out of our cul-de-sac at breakneck speeds, which is hard to do in one of those rumbly brown trucks.
Anyhow, the doorbell rings and Paranoid Delivery Man is already a blur by the time I answer the door to find a briefcase-sized box waiting for me. Inside was a motorized massaging seat topper, which is a fancy way of saying one of those mats you stick over your chair that tickles and vibrates from your shoulders down to your hoochie and up again. I was impressed. I was amazed. I had lustful thoughts while trying it out this morning.
If I'd had one of these plus my shower massager before I met Plosh, I might never have felt the need to marry.
Oh, okay, not true. He's a wonderfully sweet guy, and not just when your son has a dribbly, snotty cold and you nearly drown him in the pool and you're thinking you're the lamest mother ever and even the UPS guy doesn't want anything to do with you.
But this raises the stakes for Father's Day, you understand. More on this later, as soon as I think of something.
FWIW, most dads will happily settle for a bottle of single malt (or equivalent) and a um, generous act from mum, which I'm not sure whether I can explicitly name in this, your space.
Posted by: andrew | May 12, 2004 at 02:35 PM
You wouldn't happen to mean the same "generous act" Monica Lewinsky performed for our former president, would you?
Hee hee. Yeah, that's on the list.
Posted by: Inland Empress | May 12, 2004 at 02:49 PM
That'd be the one! Ladies never seem to believe that it's enough of a present on its own, but it sure is.
Tho' I seem to recall that Monica never finished the job, so to speak, which probably explains how come the poor dude was sufficiently off his guard to get in the mess he did.
Um yeah, and for the record, I firmly believe that any real man should enjoy reciprocating the gift as much as receiving it in the first, or second, place.
Posted by: andrew | May 12, 2004 at 03:40 PM
When you speak of the mess Clinton made, were you referring to the infamous blue dress?
Anyways...anything that is electric, vibrating, and can get from the shoulders to the hoochie has my vote as best present ever.
Posted by: Faith | May 12, 2004 at 04:19 PM