Imperial Memo
From: Me
To: G-d
Re: Jewish holiday of Shavuot
First of all, let me congratulate You on the anniversary of handing down the 10 Commandments to Moses and the Israelites. I'd say 3,000 years is a righteously long time for Your children to live by one set of rules. Plus, they're pretty easy to remember, seeing as how there's 10 of them and all. The 87 Commandments would've been a bit tougher, I think.
Since we're supposed to follow Your example in all things, I set myself to adopting a few commandments of my own. Note the small "c" as I lack the ability to toss bolts of lightening or dispatch transgressors to Gehenna, so much as toss fits or make life hellish, which isn't quite the same.
But here goes:
1. I am the goddess, thy Mother
2. Thou shalt have no other bedtimes but the one I set
3. Thou shalt not hit, bite or scratch me
4. Thou shalt not play thy Father off against thy Mother
5. Thou shalt observe my need for rest and keep it holy
6. Thou shalt not scream murderously in public
7. Thou shalt not steal from the cat's dish
8. Thou shalt not commit potty in thy pants
9. Thou shalt not be unbearable while others witness
10. Thou shalt not covet every damn thing on the store shelf but what I buy for thee
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