Eat my kumquats

Know any good kumquat jokes? Me neither. Which is a pity, because the word sounds like it should be the punchline in a dirty joke, doesn't it? As in, ". . . and then the bartender told the blonde, 'No, miss, I meant his kumquat.'" Ha ha ha!

I'm stuck with these sour, thumbprint-sized fruits that aren't really all that funny, and in fact are miserably sour. It's harvest time, but we're running out of potential victims to dump them on. We used to rely on Plosh's office. The first year, one of his coworkers took home the whole bag. Success!

But then she returned them in candied form. Did we ask for them back? Did we? Huh? We couldn't insult her after all her hard work creating gelatinous gobs of puckery yuck. So we kept the jar in the fridge for a respectable amount of time and then threw it away. Year after that, the next recipient made us preserves that Plosh actually attempted to eat. And then threw away.

Last time 'round, we made a huge jug of kumquat wine. Yes, wine. We do crazy things like that around here. Or, usually, half-do them. Which means it's still sitting in that jug, waiting for us to either bottle it or throw it away. If we bottle it, we'll have to concoct some "private label" prevarication and dump the plonk on whatever suckers aren't wise to us yet, if we can find any.

This year, I'm thinking of skipping straight to the "throw away" part. That is, if I can be bothered to pluck the tree. Leaving the fruit for the birds and squirrels only works if I can induce the critters to partake.

Know any good kumquat jokes?

Comments

[Plosh]

Whoa, don't throw them away yet. I'm still working over a few co-workers to take them off our hands. Plus, I actually know someone who likes to eat them straight. I usually give him a few too.

[Faith]

I don't believe I've ever met a Kumquat in person. So, since I've just returned from my week long adventure searching for non-toxic cheese snacks, I'll be leaving ASAP on a Kumquat Quest.

When will you talk about something readily available in my local Super Walmart? Like Okra, turnip greens or boiled pigs feet? (Do you even have Super Walmart's?)

[Anne]

Y'know, I don't believe we have a Super Wal-Mart yet, believe it or not. I read somewhere they intend to open 30 of them in California, and I'm sure our area is at the top of the list. Alas, I must wait for those turnip greens.

I think our area Super Wal-Mart would more likely carry Mexican specialties such as 25 different kinds of hot peppers and 20-lb. bags of tortillas.

We are getting a Super Sears, however, and I think my hubby intends to be the first one in the door. A sea of power tools! An ocean of major appliances! Every kind of nail, bolt and screw ever made! I may never see him again.

Did you ever find those cheese crackers? We're out, so maybe I can borrow a box or two? Cool, thanks.

[Jenny]

I always thought it'd be cool to have a dog named Quat. Then when you called for him, you could say, "Come Quat! Come Quat!"

A joke I made up in seventh grade. Lovely blog! :-)

[Beth]

i wonder if you could make something like limoncello with kumquats... like kumquat-cello... citrus, sugar, alcohol... i imagine it might be pretty good...