Hello, Rejection, my old friend. Today I sent out short stories to a bunch of literary magazines, some good, some obscure, in the hopes of getting just one damn thing published.
What, exactly, is my problem? When I had a steady audience of 180,000 a day – 220,000 on Sundays – I hated it. Overworked, underpaid, the editor was a moron, etc. Now I’m aiming for anthologies with maybe 1,000 readers and which pay nothing, the editors are total strangers and I’m thrilled.
Even dumber, I get maybe 150 hits a day on my blog and the occasional comment or two. This too pays nothing and the editor’s a perfectionist freak. Oh wait, that would be me.
Eventually, I’ll be writing only for myself, for which I’ll pay someone else. Oh wait, that would be my writing coach.
Yet somehow, I’m pretty satisfied with my career’s progress. Go figure.
Y’know, I started out today not knowing what I was going to write about, and I still don’t know. It’s like I’m standing outside myself looking in and wondering why my brain is only half-full. Is that the optimistic perspective? I forget.
But I stuck a dozen copies of short stories in the mail today. Woo-hoo.
My penchant for self-delusion is limitless.
Oh god, I know how you feel. I just want to make a little money on the side to pay for my haircuts, the occasional book, and the kids college fund. If I'm lucky, maybe a cleaning service, too. Is that so much to ask?
I feel I'm progressing as a writer but has sooooo far to go sometimes that I say, "What's the friggin' point?"
My suggestion, (re)read "Bird by Bird" by Ann Lamott. If you think you sound negative, she's the queen of "I suck, I'm a lousy writer." And she's famous and gets paid generously for her work. Go figure.
(And I promise to remind you of this negativity when you become rich and famous.)
Posted by: Anne-Marie | September 09, 2004 at 02:50 PM
My wife deserves a lot of credit for pursuing her dream, despite how difficult it is to get published. I believe that one day she will reach her goals, despite all that self-doubt.
Posted by: plosh | September 09, 2004 at 03:11 PM
Anne-Marie: Yup, got "Bird by Bird." Loved it. I think all writers go through this, though that's small consolation at the time.
Plosh: XOXO :-)
Posted by: Anne | September 09, 2004 at 03:19 PM
Here's a comment, to help with the thrill coefficient for the day. Woot!
And a self-promotional link, which I don't usually do, but it seems relevant.
And... while I'm here. I was in the LA area a few weeks ago. Two words: Pizza Nosh. (two more: Agoura Hills). Best calzone I've had in a loooong time. And it was exciting for me, because as my wife (the West Coast native) was driving us (to Santa Barbara) and I saw a sign about the "Inland" something-or-other, I thought to myself, "Hey, I know the Empress. She must live around here somewhere.
Posted by: FrumDad | September 09, 2004 at 04:56 PM
Wow, FrumDad! You were thisclose and you didn't stop by? Not even for ice tea? Actually, Agoura is lapdwife's neighborhood. You were about 90 minutes from us.
I had already read the post on your link some time ago, but thanks for the reminder. We writers are a thin-skinned lot, I guess.
And I'm adding you to my sidebar links. L'Shana Tova, dude.
Posted by: Anne | September 09, 2004 at 05:30 PM
Pizza Nosh, huh? I'm gonna have to check this out!
And Anne, I really admire you. I think that it takes a lot of courage and persistance to do what you do - while taking care of a family - and do it so well. I love your writing so much here, I'm sure you're gonna find your dreams someday.
Posted by: lapdwife | September 09, 2004 at 08:52 PM
Do you dare?
And yeah, what lapdwife said. You might be down on yourself at times but, unlike some of us *cough*, you actually have the discipline to keep at it. Ultimately, you can't help but succeed.
Posted by: andrew | September 10, 2004 at 04:23 AM
Having sold out my dream for a career in the technology industry, you have my utmost respect for pursuing yours.
Posted by: Gooch | September 10, 2004 at 11:02 AM
Wow. I don't know what to say. I'm overwhelmed. Many, many thanks for support and inspiration and kind words.
I will say this to all of you: you're all writers. All of you. Stop smirking. Enough self-pity. If you write, you're a writer. Simple enough.
Blogging has opened up a venue for us that can be hard to appreciate among the noise of mass media. Plus we're a cynical lot by nature and not prone to count our blessings.
I can assure you that early essayists and diarists -- and there were many -- would've been thrilled to reach a few hundred people at a time. Most people with access to a newfangled printing press died in obscurity. We remember Thomas Paine and Benjamin Franklin because they beat the publishing game even then -- which was mainly to avoid being jailed.
Writers have seldom made a living from their craft, so it's easy to get discouraged or think the dream is for someone else. But success has different benchmarks today. Getting a newspaper column isn't a benchmark any longer, considering how old and calcified and irrelevant most of them are. Newspapers and magazines, particularly smaller ones, are no longer staffed by the best and brightest coming out of j-schools, but by fossils who resist retraining for something more financially remunerative.
The book publishing business, as I'm learning, is dominated by chain stores who treat books like commodities, not culture, to be bought in bulk at steep discounts then returned, then shipped around, then "remaindered" into landfills. Good luck getting a publishing house to risk its money on you if you can't guarantee your life's work will fly off the shelf at Border's.
But as you may've learned in Econ 101, the more industries monopolize, the less incentive to innovate, leaving newer, fragmented niches at the bottom of the market for the small-time operator. For us, that means small literary magazines and the Web.
We should be glad blogging isn't profitable yet except perhaps for the folks at TypePad and Blogspot. Blogging creates a space for ourselves that's uniquely ours on a planet of 6 billion souls, all of them clamoring to be noticed.
This is why I ignore people, including my writing coach, who think blogging is a waste of time.
This probably should've been a post, but there you have it.
Posted by: Anne | September 10, 2004 at 02:47 PM
Anne, you do inspire me. You've brought a smile to my face tonight, after a long, hot day. And I'll tell you that again tomorrow : )
Posted by: lapdwife | September 10, 2004 at 07:24 PM