I've already lost about 3 lbs. on my fabulous new eating plan, the influenza diet. It requires no exercise -- in fact, it's strongly discouraged. Moving a single muscle, like, say, an eyelid, requires a conscious effort of will, so I can't be bothered, really.
The influenza diet also doesn't require me to prepare any special foods or buy overpriced packaged meals. All I do is force a few spoonfuls of something -- anything -- down my throat so I don't starve altogether.
It hasn't done much for my energy levels, though I'm less sluggish than I was yesterday, and my complexion has turned gray. These are small sacrifices compared to the ecstasy of going down a fraction of a dress size.
And just in case I'm tempted to cheat on my diet and sneak a few snacks, there's always my son to help out. The little dear is so sweet, dribbling bright green snot all over me so I get too nauseated to nosh. I haven't noticed a change in his appetite, naturally. So maybe the diet works differently if you're only 36 inches tall and tend to eat a lot of french fries.
At this rate, I should lose enough weight by my brother's wedding in December to fit into a Size 8. Of course, if I still have the flu by then, they'll more likely be fitting me for a casket. But again, this is quibbling compared to how good I'll look as the pounds disappear.
Ahhh ... I feel better already. I think I'll celebrate and go have nothing to eat.
Maybe we can market a line of illness-related weight-loss programs:
*The cold for moderate weight loss.
*The flu for intermediate weight loss.
*And the stomach flu for extreme weight loss.
Posted by: plosh | November 04, 2004 at 10:00 AM
ugh... I know what that's like. hope you feel better soon!
Chicken soup, for your health and for your soul. ;o)
Posted by: zee | November 04, 2004 at 02:57 PM
The best diet I ever had was when I got mono my senior year of high school. I look back at pictures from those months and sigh in sweet memory of the way my cheekbones stood out like a Swedish model. Sigh...those were good times. When I wasn't sleeping, that is! : ) It's always good to look on the bright side, huh?
Posted by: Renee | November 04, 2004 at 06:01 PM
Zee and Renee: Thanks so much. We're finally flu-free at the palace, and life is much better.
Posted by: Anne | November 08, 2004 at 02:58 PM
I recently received a corporate e-mail promoting "flue" vaccinations for high risk groups. Which groups are most susceptible to the "flue"?
Posted by: Ontario Emperor | November 11, 2004 at 01:53 PM