Classified ads for my bod

I'm getting rid of my body. The damn thing's useless -- it's sick again. All it's done this weekend is flop around in bed and feel achy.

I'm hoping someone'll take it off my hands.

If I were a car:

'63 Female: Low mileage, only ridden on weekends. Prone to occasional breakdowns and high tailpipe emissions, but headlights work just fine. Sluggish handling, especially in traffic, but good for short hauls over empty roads. Seats one. Perfect for budding mechanic in need of a challenge.

If I were a house:

Handyman Special: This charming fixer upper just needs some lifting, tucking and maybe a high colonic to become your dream home! Fully 5.5 feet of room, plumbing needs an overhaul. Front features big knockers, plus bonus room in the rear. Subject to 9-month expansion project. Owner motivated to sell! This offer won't last!

If I were a pet:

Free to a good home: Non-spayed female, expecting litter sometime in July. Gentle temperament but will bite when tired or hungry. Good with kids. Doesn't shed or pee on carpet. Needs frequent petting. Won't fetch worth a damn.

The trouble with the flu is that it's taken all my strength just to write this silly stuff. I really wanted to post yesterday about our fabulous Shabbos dinner with the Chassidic rabbi and his family. I was going to call it "Heathens vs. Chassids" but I got stumped on exactly what to say.

So until I work up the strength to describe the scrumptious food and witty company, you'll have to settle for my usual gripes.

Unless, of course, you're in the market for a pre-owned body in need of an overhaul ...

UPDATE: So a male fan emails and asks if he can take me for a test drive. Oh my. Not quite what I had in mind. *blush*

Comments

[Elle]

"Subject to 9 month expansion project".. that's hammered in the final funny nail.. currently "ROFLOL"
All the best to Plosh, Minitaur, yourself and ... ? baby?

[plosh]

Hey, I like your bod, hon.

[lapdwife]

You are so clever. Thanks for the giggles. : )

[Anne]

Elle: We're calling it Mugwort for now, the little dear. Thanks for your kind words.

Plosh: You'd better, I don't seem to have any other takers.

Lapdwife: No problem. Giggles available free anytime. :-)