Improving child transportation

If car seats were designed by toddlers, they'd feature:

• built-in snack tray that holds only chocolate and magically refills itself;
• a hydraulic arm that both flings and retrieves assorted toys and snacks;
• big, colorful buttons that light up and make real car horn noises, with the bonus of freaking out whoever's driving;
• portable Leap Frog device to teach those naughty words Mommy says in traffic;
• at least a dozen buckles that fastened and unfastened in endless combination;
• video monitor to display close-ups of all passing trucks;
• lift/lower lever with two settings -- high and really high.

If car seats were designed by actual parents, they'd feature:

• snack tray that holds only whole wheat crackers and magically refills itself;
• hydraulic arm that administers sedatives (to parent or toddler, depending);
• big, colorful buttons that hypnotize tot into catatonic state;
• portable Leap Frog device that teaches higher math skills and particle physics;
• straight-jacket style restraints;
• video monitor to display readings of child's vital signs, possible diagnosis of real or imagined ailments and treatment methods;
• lift/lower lever with two settings; out-of-sight and in-the-trunk.

Comments

[lapdwife]

Too funny. And so true. Especially the parts about the sedatives and the vital signs monitor. Too many times I've been at a stop light, presenting the car to my left a lovely view of my rear end as I leaned over the seat to check if my sweet baby was still breathing. : )

[Julie]

I'm waiting for the self-buckling seat belt. My oldest can now do her own, but I'm somehow somedays tired of doing the other two. I like all your other ideas!

[Leslie]

LOL! Awesome. Oh, and toddler... *sigh* the word scares the crap out of me...

[buggy]

Our 5 year old can buckle herself in and has for a while. The problem is how long it takes her. She gets distracted about a large number of things between getting into her seat and buckling. Of course, if we offer to help she gets quite offended.

I would definitely want the feature that picks up items dropped by the child.

[Faith]

I would like to add some device that SHOVES my child quickly into the vehicle. She's at the age where she wants to do everything herself, but my God, she's such a dawdler. It seems to take hours for her to dive head first into the floorboard of the backseat, and then, with arms and legs flailing all around, usually losing at least one shoe in the process, she manages finally to hoist herself up into the car seat.

You know how they have remote controls to unlock the car? I want a remote control that magically transports her from outside the car to inside, all buckled and settled in.