Proving once and for all that babies do not, in fact, bounce

op quiz time!

The most effective way to drop a baby without killing her is:

a. dangle her Michael-Jackson-style off your balcony;

b. swing her by the ankles and "accidentally" let go;

c. fall asleep standing up while rocking her;

d. launch her from a prone position on the bed while lunging to catch a vintage lamp.

Correct answer: D! Bonus points if it takes your husband's sleep-deprived brain a split second to transition from admiring his quick reflexes to panicky realization he's probably killed her! Ohmigod!

The lamp is perched precariously on a bedside stand. It was late and the baby wasn't sleeping. She did a few push-ups on her Daddy's tummy. He reached for a digital clock that caught her eye.

The two electrical cords are intertwined and the lamp took a dive. So did the hubby. So did the baby.

Milkula is okay. She landed face down on the carpet and took an extremely long second or so to start screaming, indicating she'd not lost consciousness. She has a bruise on her cheek and a reddish spot on her temple, plus a few rug burns on her tummy. Nothing to fret the folks at Child Protective Services.

Five minutes later, she was hugging her Daddy and squealing. All was forgiven. Daddy, on the other hand, still has the look of a condemned man.

Me, I'm biting my tongue. Hard.

Comments

[plosh]

You have no idea how much my wife must be holding back. Thank goodness. And yes, I do feel like shit, thank you very much.

[aliyah06]

No, they don't bounce but they are remarkably resiliant. My youngest (now 15-how did THAT happen?!)was lying prone in the middle of the bed at an age when he had not yet learned to roll over--and as soon as I walked two feet away, he rolled! and rolled, and rolled and rolled faster than I could believe, or move to intercept, and rolled right off the bed! I felt like shit too. He's fine--typical teen now, no lasting damage.

[Anne]

Funny, one of my girlfriends complained her hubby did the same thing as mine today, only he was lunging for a ball. Her 9mo son ended up with a forehead bruise the size and color of a small plumb. Ouch.

Stuff happens, I guess.

[psychotoddler]

It happens to us all. It's a reflex. Nothing Plosh could have done about it.

I was carrying Iguana down the stairs when she was 7 or 8 months old and I tripped and landed on her. She got a "greenstick" fracture of her leg. I still blame myself for her walking later than the other kids.

[Anne]

Ow! Ow ow ow! That hurts just thinking about it. Poor Iggy! And it's all Daddy's fault ...

[Anne]

btw, what's a "greenstick" fracture?

[Adrian]

Accidents happen I'm afraid. It only goes to prove that you can't be too careful. I'm glad to hear everything's okay though.

[Dreadmouse]

I'm going to hurt Squeak one day too, aren't I? Man... my heart is preemptively breaking.

[Anne]

Yep, you're doomed. May as well just toss her off the balcony now and get it over with.

[wendela]

Great blog! Just came across it and reading some of the older posts. I, too, live in your city. I, too, don't like it. At all. But it seems others I talk to here DO and cannot figure out why I scrunch up my face and reply how nice it'll be to move back west (anywhere west of here). Most don't venture west and cannot even tell you what Claremont's like, much less anywhere near/in L.A.

Maybe you probably have heard David Lynch is making a movie right now called "Inland Empire".

Anyway, don't feel too bad about the baby- we've all been there and had similar experiences. :)

[Anne]

Yes, I googled "Inland Empire" once and Lynch's film is the only thing that came up for pages and pages. I'm eager to see his surreal take on our little spit of desert, but then I already feel it's surreal living here.

Good luck moving further west. We've been trying for years, and have failed to achieve escape velocity.

[Kitty]

Is it wrong that I started giggling when I read this. Oh dear. I suppose I've got all these joys to come now, have I?

[plosh]

Congratulations kitty!

[Anne]

Wonderful! I hope you're enjoying your pregnancy and it's going easily for you.

[Kitty]

Thanks guys. Really looking forward to the first time Wookiee or I manage to bounce Ewok across the room :|

[plosh]

Ouch.